Tuesday, January 20, 2015

The Celebrity Apprentice Gets "Nuts"


Can I get a cannon for my two fallen celebrities this week? Welcome back to Blog Big Brother, where Donald Trump shits on CBS shows and we don't let it slide! To clarify, in classic throwback Thursday fashion, Trump branded the Amazing Race as a "boring piece of crap" for robbing him of a 2004 Emmy. Well Mr. Trump, it ain't Thursday and you ain't a winner. Check yourself before you call early Amazing Race boring. But hey, we still watch your show, so grab a tissue and move on.

As NBC plows through another 2 episodes of our beloved Celebrity Apprentice, lets take a step back and reflect! Think Vivica A. Fox to NBC as Kate Gosselin is to us. We keep it chill and sometimes are a sloppy mess.

TASK 6:
The challenge for task #6 was to create a mobile marketing event for Ivanka Trump's shoe line featured at Nordstrom department stores. Upon hearing the criteria, Sig Hansen's only contribution to the episode was complaining all tasks have been feminine. Thanks Sig, glad you could contribute something.


More importantly, we got to see JOAN RIVERS!! Although I wish the whole episode was Rivers laying into some of these contestants, NBC kept it brief and classy.

The project mangers for the task were Shawn Johnson and Kenya Moore! Oh wait.. I'm hearing from Lou Ferrigno that Shawn once again didn't feel like she could put on a marketing event. Vivica A. Fox stepped up instead. Dammit Shawn! If I didn't like you so much, I'd might still be mad. And if I didn't lie just to lie, then I wouldn't pretend I know Lou Ferrigno.

Team Vortex got off to a solid start, designing a relaxed "Nordstrom feel" inside their show truck, with a concept I Am: Smart, Beautiful, Busy, etc. highlighting the product's target audience: working class women.

Team Infinity saw a bit more disorganization, with no unifying concept, but integrating an old fashion "Nordstrom Feel."

Marketing truck for Team Vortex
When push came to shove, Vivica dropped the decided upon concept due to lack of space and opted for a "barista" theme on the outside of the truck. Instead of going with the flow and supporting their team, Shawn and Kate Gosselin chose to shut down and detach themselves from the project manager. Vivica had your back stepping up as Project Manager, why don't you reciprocate a little?

On presentation day, Vortex thrived with their target audience. Not with the shoes though. They came and stayed for the free coffee. The shoes came secondary.

Marketing truck for Team Infinity
Meanwhile at Infinity, Kenya came to battle with the slogan Power Up Your Sole, a well designed truck and a catalogue of every shoe available. Despite an old-fashion theme, Kenya pulled off a victory and walked away with $40,000 for the Detroit Public School Foundation.

In the boardroom, Vivica targeted Kate for elimination, but ultimately Trump couldn't oversee Shawn's inexperience and unwillingness to take charge. The Olympic Gymnast became the 6th celebrity fired from the boardroom.

TASK 7:
Ding-Ding. Round 2. 

For this task, teams had to create a viral video for Chock full o'Nuts using only a GoPro. Just putting it out to the universe, I want a GoPro. I can record myself eating McDonalds and taking naps. It'd be beautiful.

Anyway, Project Manager Lorenzo Lamas kept it safe for Vortex with an "evolution of Chock full o'Nuts" video. When Geraldo Rivera first brought up the idea, it had potential, but ultimately didn't go far enough and pack a punch.


Project Manager Leeza Gibbons went full on creative, capitalizing on the feuding Kenya Moore and Brandi Glanville. In the video, Ian Ziering and Johnny Damon were fantasying about the Kenya/Brandi brawl. However, it lacked sufficient brand messaging, falling on Ian, who suddenly became a complete douche this episode.

In the boardroom, Kenya dropped some low blows, calling out Brandi for getting personal during the shoot, yet saying Brandi's husband left her for a younger, more attractive women. Dis bitch got a storm brewing and I'm SO PATIENTLY waiting for the explosion of the series between her and Vivica.

For now, Kenya's safe because the execs largely favored Team Infinity's edginess, leaving Lorenzo Lamas up a creek with a tiny paddle that he chooses to just throw away.

I'll give anyone $1 if they can find Sig Hansen in this picture
Instead of bringing 3 people to the boardroom, Lorenzo embraces the flames and gets fired. A mistake? Definitely. At the bare minimum, Lorenzo had 2 easy picks: Kate (for being a constant target/weak link) and Sig (for doing nothing). Much like Shawn didn't step up, Sig hasn't either and he's contributed significantly less compared to her. BUT NO! As an actor, you really don't know how to give us a show.


THAT'S IT! YA MADE IT! We have 3 episodes left and have Sig Hansen waiting in the wings as Project Manager. Anything can happen!

Get at me on twitter @AndySloanBU, the meaner the better!

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

I Now Pronounce You Fired


Just 2 weeks into the Celebrity Apprentice, we're down 5 celebrities and the drama is just getting heated. Welcome back to Blog Big Brother, where like Jamie Anderson, we're unsuited for the business world.

A lot happened last night: Geraldo Rivera took off his clothes, Brandi Glanville went AWOL and Kate Gosselin got a $30,000 check from some sketchy hobo.. What an episode, so lets go!

Task 4:
The celebrities were first challenged with creating a fitness advertisement for the women-skewed magazine Cosmopolitan, with project Managers Jamie Anderson (@JamieAsnow) and Johnny Damon (@JohnnyDamon) taking the helm.

"I'm naked, you're naked" -Geraldo Rivera
Team Vortex saw journalism legend Geraldo Rivera (@GeraldoRivera) cuddle up to two time World Champion Johnny Damon and it's a scene that needs to be relived, and then relived again. Despite a slight distraction, the team kicked it into overdrive with a clever "selfie" theme and a steamy (yet somewhat awkward) photo shoot between Damon and his wife.


A set back may have been the implementation of Rivera's selfie. Imagine this: an 18 year old girl flipping through the pages of Cosmo, only to stumble upon a shirtless photo of a 70 year old man. It's a sight that can't been unseen.

As for team Infinity, gold medalist Jamie Anderson had trouble solidifying a unified concept and the Champion Challenge was overshadowed by housewife bitterness. After the team settled on Brandi Glanville (@BrandiGlanville) instead of Kenya Moore (@KenyaMoore) as the model, Moore sought revenge. With the exception of Glanville and Leeza Gibbons (@LeezaGibbons), Moore seems to have the team wrapped around her finger and that finger is pointing at Glanville.

In the end, Cosmo sided with the men, leaving the women divided. On the chopping block were Moore, Glanville and Kate Gosselin (@Kateplusmy8). Jamie Anderson almost had an out.. Almost! Anderson eventually chose to bring Moore and Gosselin into the boardroom, immediately regretting her decision.

Anderson's mistake wasn't calling out Glanville, it was admitting her mistake to Trump and being a bumbling idiot. HOWEVER, kudos to Anderson for calling out Donald saying he can do whatever he wants because HE DOES and some firings are unjustified. Am I still bitter about Lil Jon not making it to the finals? Probably.


In the end, Anderson's indecisiveness made Trump's decision crystal clear and she became the 4th celebrity axed from the boardroom.

Task 5:
Before the bridal-gown (or should I say ego-fueled) showdown between Ian Ziering (@IanZiering) and Geraldo Rivera, Mr. Trump shook-up the teams, sending Damon, Ziering and Terrell Owens (@terrellowens) to Infinity and Shawn Johnson (@ShawnJohnson), Vivica A. Fox (@MsVivicaFox) and Gosselin to Vortex. Of course Trump kept Moore and Glanville on the same team…

The task: Sell the most wedding gowns, with all proceeds going to the charity. That means to get money for your charity, a customer would first have to pay for a dress, making bringing in people off the street essentially pointless.


Top 3 Takeaways From the Task:
  1. Brandi Glanville played hooky from setting up the bridal shop because of a "panic attack." Although donors came through for Glanville, she let the drama between her and Kenya Moore get the best of her. Ain't nobody got time for that.
  2. Kate Gosselin stepped up to bat, bringing in celebrity hairdressers, playing 100th wife to Geraldo Rivera and cashing in a $30,000 check from some sketchy looking man with a nice car. But hey, money's money!
  3. Terrell Owens's donors once again didn't come through
In the end, just $2,500 separated each team and Trump left the PMs with the following decision: keep their respective money or winner takes all. Of course when you're playing for charity, you'd have to be a complete douchebag to risk 300k for your charity. Rivera and Ziering of course decided to keep their earnings.


In the moment of truth, Rivera won his second task of the season, leaving Ziering no choice but to bring back the lowest contributors (TO and Johnny Damon) to the boardroom. Unfortunately, Trump had no choice but to send TO packing.

Next week, Joan Rivers is back in the boardroom and I'm sure she'll give us a show to remember!

Now before I go, let me leave you with one question:

WHAT ON EARTH HAS SIG HANSEN (@northwestersig) DONE THIS WHOLE DAMN SHOW?

Saturday, January 10, 2015

Celebrity Apprentice Turns Up


Donald Trump (@realDonaldTrump) is back and after two years off the air, he's bringing twice the drama with him. Welcome back to Blog Big Brother, where like the Celebrity Apprentice we take long breaks and come back whenever we feel like it. Except of course for me, I have the excuse of college and work and blah blah blah.

Okay, lets cut to the chase! The Celebrity Apprentice has already knocked out three episodes with 2 more on the way this Monday at 8/9c on NBC, which means we've got some ground to cover! In Ian Ziering fashion, lets pull out the chainsaws and tackle these celebrity sharks with style.

TASK 1:
I'm sure we all know by now that Keisha Knight Pulliam (@peachespulliam) was the first celebrity axed from the boardroom. To save both of us some time, lets not make this a review, but go ahead and address the Cosby-sized elephant in the room.

Did Trump fire Pulliam solely for not calling Bill Cosby? No.
Did Trump fire Pulliam for not raising enough money? Yes.
Are those 2 questions related? Somewhat.

When you come and play celebrity apprentice, to be the best you have to beat the best. To volunteer as PM for the first task means you need the connections like Marlee Matlin, John Rich, Trace Adkins, La Toya Jackson and Penn Jillette. Anyone who walks into the Celebrity Apprentice must know the first task is always the same: fundraising! Make those calls beforehand so you don't walk into the boardroom empty handed.


IF Pulliam would've been able to pull funds from Cosby (or anyone else for that matter), then she could've rightfully called out Shawn Johnson, Jamie Anderson and Kate Gosselin for bringing in NOTHING. However, to only bring in $8,000 and have multiple checks that didn't come in yourself, it's hypocritical for Pulliam to target Anderson and Gosselin for those reasons alone. Trump made the right choice.

Keisha Knight Pulliam also walked away with a $25,000 Trump check for Kamp Kizzy.

TASK 2:
America finally got to see Geraldo Rivera's (@GeraldoRivera) true colors Monday night. His childlike temper tantrums, ignorant attitude and disrespectful manner should've gotten him a oneway ticket down the elevator shaft. Talking on the phone during the meeting with the Neat executives is not only disrespectful, but wastes the time of the executives and distracts the team from focusing on the task at hand.

Then, why did Kevin Jonas (@kevinjonas) get fired? Easy out, he's the project manager. In actuality, Trump has favorites and if you want to challenge Trump's game, you have to be blunt. Think back to All-Stars. La Toya Jackson and Claudia Jordan lost their respective tasks back-to-back thanks to Omarosa. However, they refused to bring her to the boardroom because they flat out said to Trump "You wouldn't have fired her." Therefore, when Omarosa finally found herself in the bottom 3, Trump had no choice but to fire her.

Although we will most-likely see Geraldo Rivera dragged through a good portion of the season, Kevin Jonas actually had an out: Lorenzo Lamas. Lamas is on Trump's radar for not bringing in funds for task 1, would've been an ally for Jonas in the boardroom, but would've also been an out if things got too messy as Lamas directed the Neat commercial.

To survive the Celebrity Apprentice, you have to play Trump's game. If not, prepare to make some sacrifices.

As for team Infinity: Kate Gosselin (@Kateplusmy8) got lucky. She's someone I thought would be perfect for this show but currently she's out of her element. If she doesn't get a backbone, make moves and keep some of these people in line, she'll be right out the door.

TASK 3:
Teams are tasked with creating a presentation to promote Luvo, a frozen food product line used most notably on Delta flights. And while "luv" might not be in the air, PMS and off color jokes are.


The main point of drama this episode was when Vivica A. Fox (@MsVivicaFox) called out Shawn Johnson (@ShawnJohnson) for not pulling her weight in the task because it was "that time of the month". Out of line? Yes. Unprofessional? Yes. HOWEVER, Fox proved she's ruthless in the boardroom and if her neck is at risk of the axe, she'll drop cheap shots. That is something Trump admires.

For the men, a wordy slogan and an inappropriate Gilbert Gottfried (@realGilbert) resulted in a second straight loss. In the boardroom: Project Manager Terrell Owens (@terrellowens), Geraldo Rivera and Gottfried himself.

All three were rightfully on the chopping block: Rivera for the slogan, Gottfried for inappropriate jokes in the presentation and Owens for taking a back seat as PM. Rivera and Gottfried were essentially unmanageable the entire task and both are liabilities moving forward. 

Eventually Gilbert Gottfried got the boot, but the comic relief didn't go with him. Joan Rivers will be back soon enough to deflate some of these celebrity's egos.

Have an opinion you want people to know? Sound off in the comments below, tweet at me (@AndySloanBU) or get connected with #CelebrityApprentice

Friday, May 9, 2014

Relative Insanity Cancelled?


After only a two-episode run on Friday's at 10/9c, Lifetime has removed Relative Insanity from the line-up. The Futon Critic reports that this follows a decline in numbers from it Celebrity Wife Swap lead-in. However, this does not mean the rest of the season won't finish airing or be available online.



Despite an Instagram photo advertising for Friday night's episode, a rerun of Celebrity Wife Swap aired instead.

There is no word yet on when the new reality competition will return, but the producers behind the insanity will have their hands busy with upcoming preparations for Big Brother 16.

From Fly on the Wall Entertainment, Relative Insanity follows 2 families competing for $25,000 over the course of 2 days. Families are trapped in a Big Brother-esque house, unaware of each other's progress. Before one of them walks away with the cash, families must first survive temptations, Fear Factor like challenges, and most importantly each other.

To stay up to date on the fate of Relative Insanity, get connected with #RelativeInsanity

Friday, April 25, 2014

Relative Insanity Premieres Tonight Only on Lifetime


Could you survive being locked in a room for 48 hours with your family?

Well, from personal experience, I can tell you it's a lot harder than you think, especially with $25,000 on the line! But now, it's your chance to witness the drama, action and family face-offs that is Relative Insanity.

The clock has ticked down and the premiere of Lifetime's newest reality competition is finally here! At 10/9c, witness "The Southern Belles" go toe-to-toe against "The City Slickers." It'll be a battle of wit, temptation, endurance and pure mental stamina.

As both families try to earn up to $25,000, who will work together and rise to the challenge and who will fall victim to relative insanity?

From Fly on the Wall Entertainment, the producers that bring you CBS's summer smash Big Brother, Relative Insanity is a show unlike any other. For 2 days, relationships will be tested, battle lines will be drawn and America will determine who is truly the head of household.

To stay up-to-date with the insanity, follow @lifetimetv and @flyonthewallent and get connected with #RelativeInsanity

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Big Brother Producers' Newest Reality Event: Relative Insanity


"Insanity is relative. It depends on who has who locked in what cage" - Ray Bradbury

Fly on the Wall Entertainment, the production company behind CBS's hit summer staple Big Brother, brings you RELATIVE INSANITY! Lifetime's newest reality event pits family against family, in a 36 hour power struggle for the chance to win up to $25,000.

Each week, America will watch as new batches of families fight for power, endure physical and psychological torments and be pushed to brink of possible self-elimination. According to The Hollywood Reporter, think Big Brother meets Survivor meets Fear Factor. Checkout of the full 30 second preview below:



There will be crying, there will be panic, there will be… oh wait…


Me? Huh, I guess I'm in this show… How did that happen? You'll just have to tune in to find out!

RELATIVE INSANITY premieres Friday April 25th at 10pm on LIFETIME! You won't see me on your screens until June 13th, but it'll be worth the wait!

Will you be watching?
Relative Insanity

Saturday, March 8, 2014

Amazing Race All-Stars: 2 Hot 2 Handle


The Twinnies may be gone, but some teams have now taken the spotlight as complete hot messes. Welcome back to Blog Big Brother, where like Jen & Caroline, we use what we got to get by!

Alright, so lets flip the format of how we analyze this great show of ours! Before, we recapped the episode and then went into some character breakdowns. Welp, lets just combined the two and go into the episode's TOP 5 #AmazingMoments. We'll be looking into the top 5 moments of the episode and tell you the must-knows going into the next week!

STARTING SHUFFLE

Joey & Meghan, 10th to arrive last leg, are 8th to depart
Alright, so we start this show with just utter confusion: Teams left is a jumbled order, compared to when they arrived on the mat in the first episode. I don't know exactly how much this has happened before, but we have a few explanations: CBS editing likes to play with our minds, some teams overslept or production rearranged the team order due to technical difficulties were were unable to see in the first leg. According to some of the all-star tweets, production gave Margie & Luke and Joey & Meghan time credit due to production issues in the first leg… so YEAH, it's solved!

BRENCHEL IN A BUSH

Casually a gardener just chilling to the side.
If there is a bush anywhere around, Rachel will find it and get in it. We know from past Big Brother experiences that Rachel has no problem shedding some tears in some shrubbery. So while on the Amazing Race, why not scout out some places to pop a squat and share some feelings. The Brenchel Motto: When in doubt, run through some bushes.

EXPRESS PASS TURNOVER


This episode we saw the Cowboys fall temptation to the Country Singers' charm… or where they really just being strategic? Okay, so this is one of the big controversial points of the episode. Caroline spent the roadblock complaining that she couldn't put together a toy car, so Jen took action and convinced Jet & Cord to handover their second express pass. Some people online are saying that Caroline and Jen are perpetuating female stereotypes, but there's two sides to this story, so lets check out em out:

Caroline & Jen: 
When they arrived at the roadblock, they were tied in last place with the Cowboys. Already they were flustered and it looked like both of them couldn't handle the roadblock. To the people who are anti-TeamCountry, I'll give it to you that Caroline was a complete baby in this situation. HOWEVER, Jen convincing the cowboys to give them the express pass was brilliant. She stated the facts, saying they will most likely be eliminated and why would the Cowboys want a weak team eliminated. Of course she used some flirting in the process, but hey, use what the good lord gave ya. Jen was strategic, and without that element Team Country would've been eliminated. Props. This is for $1 Million.

Jet & Cord:
The Cowboys no longer have to worry about the added stress of the second express pass. They saved a self-proclaimed "weaker team," don't have to help anyone else out in the future and still have their own express pass in their back pocket. Also, the heat is completely off of them, as the now the other teams are against Caroline & Jen, making Team Country a target for a possible U-Turn.

BRENCHEL BEATDOWN

EVERYONE'S face in this still is priceless. Loving it!
Rachel: Brendon it's okay, we're not running for last!
Brendon: I know! But what if it's first!

Thank God Rachel has Brendon. As much as I love how Rachel can be a bit out there, sometimes it's necessary for Brendon to reel her back in. This is a race Rachel; beat the team in front of you! Because of those few extra steps, for the first time in 2 seasons, #Brenchel outran Margie & Luck and got their first win! Unfortunately the prize was a bit lame. For an all-stars season, I'd expect more than $2500 a person. But hey, a first is a first, even if all the teams arrived at once and they prize was questionable. Congratulations!!

MARK & MALLORY MELTDOWN


NOOOOO! Let me just say that again… NOOOOOOO!! Mark & Mallory were quite possibly my favorite team on the race, and it sucks to see them go. But after Mallory's backpack mistake and Mark's behavior, I'm really not surprised. Following the roadblock, which Mark DOMINATED in, being the first to finish out of any other team, everything went downhill. 

Mallory forgot Mark's backpack, which is mostly her fault. Mark had the car, she had the backpacks. Mark should've double checked because it is his, but he gave Mallory that responsibility. One strike against Mallory.

However, this is where the BIG MISTAKE comes up. When Mark realizes he doesn't have his backpack, he goes into his own zone, refusing to go on without it. Now, Mallory has Mark's passport, so it is 100% an option to just drop the bag and keep racing. It's been done before in many seasons and it SHOULD'VE been done again. In a race for $1 Million, you have to make sacrifices.


Mallory tried to push through and convince Mark to keep racing, which is 100% what I would've done. When you make a mistake, you pick up and move on. In race, you can't afford to go back and fix them. I really didn't appreciate Mark's behavior, calling Mallory out for not being a true person from Kentucky. Mallory was in it to win and it seemed once Bopper got the axe, Mark checked out as well.


The two were great to watch and it's a shame they won't be on our television anymore, but we still have a solid 9 teams remaining. BRING IT ON!


As always, you can follow me on Twitter @ChubsMcGrubbs I tweet nonsense, so if you don't I'll try survive! It may be a struggle, but I'll try to push through.

Until next time, eat a bunch, drink a bunch, and sleep a bunch. It's okay, you'll burn it all off watching and reading about the Amazing Race. It's like the transitive property of exercise. If we watch and read about people racing, then by the transitive property, we are doing the same. It's just a thing, don't question it.